Rapport is the foundation of any great relationship. Having something in common with another person instantly builds a connection that makes us human; we have big brains because humans are social creatures designed to build and maintain many relationships so we can work together.
Why it's so important to build rapport with your team
Unfortunately, many people, including some managers, make the mistake of overlooking the value of building rapport. However, they're missing out; the truth is, rapport is the foundation of great working relationships. Without it, communication and collaboration are so much harder than they have to be.
Diving deeper, here's specifically why it's so important and beneficial to build rapport:
1. Rapport makes your team members more engaged
According to Gallup's "State of the American Manager” report, just 30% of American workers, and 35% of managers, are engaged at work. That means just 1 in every 3 people are excited about coming to work each day.
It turns out, the same Gallup report found that rapport is a major driver of employee engagement:
As the chart above shows, if you haven't built rapport, if you don't have a foundation of trust and understand who they are, there's little chance your team will come to you with problems or be engaged or motivated at work.
Camille Fournier, author and former CTO of Rent The Runway, believes this as well as she described it in a post on her blog, calling it: Relatedness.
"As a leader, you will lead people who want Relatedness in their job. They want you to know about their family, their hobbies. They want to chat with you about their weekend, their trips away. They want to get lunch sometimes.”
Put more simply and directly, she has learned in her career:
2. Rapport makes others more receptive to your feedback
Feedback is a valuable way to motivate your team and drive great work by your team. However, feedback only works if your employees will listen to you.
That's another reason building rapport is so important: it makes those you lead willing to listen to what you have to say.
In the book "Turn the Ship Around!” retired Captain L. David Marquet turned around one of the lowest performing submarine units in the U.S. Navy by using a strategy he refers to as the "Leader-Leader” approach.
A key part of that approach is showing your team or crew that you truly care about them:
By taking the time to build a little rapport with his new team, Captain Marquet was able to turn an entire unit of hardened Navy men onto his side. As a result, they didn't just listen when he spoke, they applied that feedback and did what he was asking of them. Their performance improved so much, they became one of the best ships in the fleet, and people asked to join the crew instead of regularly leaving as soon as they could.
3. Rapport helps build loyalty
At the core, a lack of loyalty means you haven't built a strong enough relationship with your team. More than anything, that means taking the time to find out what issues they're having and helping work through them.
In the timeless classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie wrote, "the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants.”
The only way to know what the other person wants is to take the time to get to know them and their motivations. To find these things out, you need to take the time to learn about them and what's on their mind over time. As Jason Lemkin wrote in a post on his blog:
By taking the time to develop a strong relationship with your team by getting to know them and what drives them, you'll know exactly what each member needs to stay engaged and loyal.
4. Rapport helps build a more positive, enjoyable environment for everyone
Rapport does more than just make working with your team easier and more productive. It also helps make coming into work more enjoyable in general.
As Camille Fournier wrote: "You may find that once you start caring about people, you feel a bit happier yourself at work.”
And don't think that your company's general environment has to get in the way of that. As Andy Grove wrote, as a manager you have the ability to create a good working environment with your team regardless of anything happening around you:
*To learn more about why building rapport is so important, read Why You Should Build Rapport with Everyone You Manage.
So how do you build rapport at work?
While it's easy to build rapport with friends and acquaintances outside your job, it's not always as easy and obvious in the workplace.
On the surface, your coworkers may be totally different from you, especially if you're a manager and they're on your team:
- What if you're a young manager with an older team?
- What if you're married with kids trying to relate to a fresh out of college hire?
- What if you're managing a team with vastly different education levels or life experiences than you?
Relax. There's plenty of ways you can and should build rapport in any of those situations. And it's well worth it, because it has such a big impact on your team, and success as a manager as we just showed you.
Today we're going to give you a ton of ideas on how to build rapport with anyone.
82 Ways to Build Rapport with Anyone
You really can find ways to build trust, loyalty, and understanding with anyone. You also are likely to have something in common with just about anyone you meet, if you know where to look. That's why this list is so comprehensive.
However, before we get into it, to make the best use of this list, keep a few things in mind as you read over the different possibilities:
- Use your best judgement
- If it doesn't sound appropriate to you, or either of you might be uncomfortable talking about it, pick something else. That's why there's 81 of these 🙂
- Ask at the right time
- Pay attention
- If you overhear something that might be a good topic, and can't discuss it now, make a note to ask later. They'll appreciate you cared to ask. I saw a coworker was wearing his favorite NBA player's jersey and talked about it in our next one on one. It even inspired a great, inexpensive gift later.
- It only takes one to instantly strengthen a bond
- Think about the last time you met a stranger and then found out you had something in common like a favorite team, went to the same college, or once lived in the same city. You instantly looked at them differently and warmly.
- Don't love what they do? You can still appreciate it and support them
- Think about how excited you get when someone asks you about one of your passions. You'll happily talk all about it and love that they asked. As Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Win Friends and Influence People, "you can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get other people interested in you."
Knowing all this, it can still be stressful and challenging to find ways to connect with everyone. You may have to cycle through a variety of topics before you hit on something that they're excited about, or you both connect on.
To remember what topics can open up each member of your team, document them in our free 1:1 meeting template.
This list gives you a reference to think about different topics to try in conversation as you get to know your team so you can build rapport with anyone. We've organized it by category for easy reference.
How to build rapport: Life History
The journey we all take in life does a lot to define us. Finding others who have had similar experiences can be both very meaningful, and help you understand what makes someone who they are today.
1) You went to the same college.
2) You went to rival colleges (great for a friendly bet when their sports teams play each other.)
3) You both did the same club in high school or college (i.e. debate, model UN, theater, band, etc.)
4) You grew up in the same town, city, county, or if abroad, country.
5) You both grew up in a small town, big city, in the country, or in the same region.
6) You're both immigrants, children of immigrants, etc.
7) You have the same or similar first car.
8) You both experienced similar significant cultural or historical events (i.e. Burning Man, Million Man March, going to the Super Bowl / Final Four / NBA Finals, a presidential inauguration, major natural disaster, etc.)
9) You both share common struggles growing up (i.e. awkwardness as a kid, being bullied, rebelling as a teenager, etc.)
10) You both can speak the same foreign language(s).
How to build rapport: Family
Whether you come from a big family, or a small one, helicopter parents, or a broken home, connecting with others on your family you grew up in or the one you're building today can be very meaningful.
11) You both have children or are starting families.
12) You both have parents of similar backgrounds.
13) You're both from big or small families or are only children.
14) You have similar cultural backgrounds you both identify with or don't.
15) You celebrate the same holidays, especially if they're not common where you are.
16) If you're children are similar ages, there are infinite ways to connect on similar experiences.
17) You both have/love the same pets.
18) You both have a sister(s) or brother(s) or was the same oldest, youngest, middle kid.
How to build rapport: Hobbies
Everyone has a life outside of work, and how they choose to spend it is very meaningful to them. Hobbies are often great sources of creativity and fun for them. Getting to talk about them, can bring great joy, especially if you share the same one.
19) You share the same craft based hobby (i.e. knitting, home brewing, woodworking, building apps, hacking things, gardening, etc.)
20) You're both into making art or photography.
21) You both appreciate other's art (i.e. museums, art shows, etc.)
22) You both enjoy hiking and the outdoors.
23) You both hate the outdoors and camping (sometimes dislikes can be a common bond.)
24) You both play or have played the same instrument.
25) You both love to work on cars.
How to build rapport: Sports
Few things bring people together, and with as strong a display of passion as sports. Whether you play them yourself or root for others, it's a huge part of just about every culture around the world. Finding someone that shares a similar sports passion is one of the fastest ways to make a friend.
26) You both love the same sports team or player.
27) You both play the same sport.
28) You both enjoy sailing, surfing, or other beach/water activities.
29) You both love watching the same sport (especially good if it's obscure or different than most in your area.)
30) You both played the same sport in high school or college (i.e. soccer, football, field hockey, track, etc.)
31) You both run or like to race, do 5ks, marathons, Spartan races, etc.
How to build rapport: Entertainment
There are so many forms of entertainment today and they all share one quality: they're remarkable. For those that share the same favorite form of entertainment, it's something they love talking about, especially right after a big event (season finale, new album, a concert, etc.)
32) You listen to similar podcasts.
33) You read similar books you can discuss together.
34) You share a favorite TV show, documentary, or movie.
35) You love the same music or artist, or have a great music collection.
36) You both love video or board games.
37) You both love spending money on the same things (i.e. live music tickets, latest fashions, high end restaurants, annual vacations, etc.)
38) You both have met famous people in the past.
39) You have the same favorite comedian, actor, author, band, etc.
How to build rapport: What you geek out on
We all have unique interests that help define us. In some of those cases, it crosses into "geeking out" on them as you learn way more about a subject than most people. Meeting others who share a "geek" level of passion builds an instant bond and infinite enthralling conversation.
40) You share a passion for trends in technology.
41) You both collect things (i.e. stamps, whiskey, trains, Pokemon, etc.)
42) You're both into fashion.
43) You both like the same designer(s).
44) You're both film junkies or movie buffs.
45) You both have a love of cars.
46) You're both early adopters of new tech.
47) You're both history buffs.
48) You both have a blog or like to write regularly (could be personal or work topics.)
49) You both hold respect / admiration for the same people (i.e. celebrities, business leaders, local heroes, etc.)
How to build rapport: Professional
As a manager, it helps a lot to build a connection with your team beyond work, but that doesn't prevent you from building rapport based on professional habits and aspirations, too. These are a few ways you can uniquely relate to some of your team members based on work.
50) You both have similar preferences for your desks at work (i.e. messy, clean, specific way to organize things.)
51) You both have or want similar career paths (even if one of you is earlier on that journey.)
52) You have similar reasons for choosing your careers.
53) You have similar reasons for joining the company you work at.
54) You've both worked at startups that experienced big moments (i.e. acquisition, running out of money, hyper growth, big outage, etc.)
55) You both had the same first job (i.e. waiting tables, cook, grocery store, etc.)
56) You both have started your own companies before.
57) You both have side businesses outside of work.
58) You both want to improve on a critical career skill (i.e. how to write better, give better presentations, managing people, etc.)
How to build rapport: the Quirky side
We're all a little weird. But that weirdness is what makes us who we are. You can build a strong bond when you find out you share similar quirky habits. I bet you'll smile or nod reading at least one of the below that either you or a friend would relate to.
59) You both have the same fears or worries without being political (i.e. public speaking, career opportunities, dating, etc.)
60) Both have the same pet peeve.
61) You both love or hate winter (or other seasons.)
62) You're both morning people or night owls.
63) You're both introverts, extroverts or ambiverts, and can relate to how that makes you feel in different situations.
64) You both share social behaviors that others may see as awkward but you think are awesome (i.e. love giving hugs to new people you meet, telling Dad jokes, telling self-deprecating stories, etc.)
65) You both share the same allergies, how to deal with it, and the awkwardness it can cause (i.e. try eating sushi when you have shellfish and avocado allergies.)
66) You both share the same daily routines (i.e. exercise before work, breakfast at the same place each morning, take the same drive/train/bus, etc.)
67) You both share the same sense of humor (i.e. puns, "Dad jokes”, pranks, wit, dry humor, etc.)
68) You both have crazy roommates or neighbors (always good stories.)
How to build rapport: Food
One of life's daily necessities is also a great source of joy and passion for many: Food! Nothing brings people together quite like sitting around a table to share a meal. Food is a great, universally safe topic to build rapport with.
69) You're both foodies and love talking about great restaurants and meals.
70) You both have the same favorite food, drink, or dessert.
71) You're both into healthy eating.
72) You both enjoy cooking, trying new recipes, or learning new techniques.
73) You both share the same love for regional foods you grew up with (i.e. Dunkin' Donuts, In-N-Out Burgers, Waffle House, BBQ, etc.)
74) You both look forward to holidays as opportunities for special family dishes.
How to build rapport: Life Goals
Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Connecting on shared dreams or even just helping them achieve their goals in small ways can have a huge impact on their morale, motivation, and most importantly, their life. This a great topic for any manager who wants to really invest in their people, and understand where they want to go.
75) You have similar retirement dreams.
76) You both love to travel, or have the same travel goals.
77) You both have lived abroad before, or have interest in doing so in the future.
78) You both have the same New Year's resolutions or failed to fulfill them already.
79) You both have similar goals for the year (i.e. run X number of races, get promoted, save enough for a car/house/vacation, etc.)
80) You both want to learn a new skill, start a hobby, or join a club.
81) You both wanted to be the same thing growing up.
82) You both have aspirations to own your business some day.
A few final thoughts to keep in mind:
- It starts with one.
- All it takes is one thing in common to start building a stronger relationship with them. However, don't stop there. Your teammate will be more open with you the more connections you grow with them.
- Depth is better.
- Liking the same drink is not as powerful as liking the same author, or both having deep knowledge or experience of the same thing. Use simple, high level shared interests to open up deeper conversations.
- Don't fake it.
- If you're not genuinely interested in what they're talking about, they'll know. That will only lead to them resenting you, so pick topics you would like to learn about. Remember: this is their moment to shine. Make like Dale Carnegie and be a great listener and they'll love you for it and appreciate you asked.
- It starts with one.
As you can see, there's quite a few ways to improve the rapport and relatedness to the people you work with. I'm sure there's even more we could add to the list, and we'd love to hear about your favorite ways to build rapport in the comments.
Special thanks to Shing Wong of Ampslide, an online presentation tool for creating conversations with your audience, for his help with this post.
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