Former Intel CEO Andy Grove<\/a> dedicates an entire section to one on ones in his legendary leadership book, High Output Management<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n SaaStr Founder, serial entrepreneur, and investor Jason Lemkin called one on ones the \"#1 management hack<\/a>\u201d and says, \"There isn't a better investment you can make in your VPs than meeting either once a week, or at least, once every 2 weeks.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Meanwhile, Marc Benioff<\/a>, founder of Salesforce, the team at Bufferapp<\/a>, and many<\/a>, many<\/a> others also praise the value of one on one meetings. <\/p>\n\n\n Some people see one on ones as a waste of time; they can't imagine dedicating so much time on their calendar to these meetings. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Others are unsure of how to make the most of them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Ask 10 managers and you very well could get 10 different answers on how much they value them, and what they use the meetings for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That's why we're going to demystify one on ones a bit today. We've talked at length about the value of regular one on ones<\/a> and how to make them effective both from a manager's perspective<\/a> and an employee's<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n However, if you're new to one on ones (whether you're a manager or an employee), you might simply be wondering what to expect when you start having regular one on ones. <\/p>\n\n\n If you're a manager who is new to having one on one meetings, you're probably wondering how to make the most of them. It's a big investment of you and your team members' time after all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A lot goes into having successful one on ones, including:<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, that's just the beginning. If you want to learn the essential tips for making your one on ones highly effective, start with our mega guide that includes a free one on one meeting template you can download<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then, grab our downloadable and printable one-sheet guide on the do's and don'ts for awesome one on ones<\/a> below:<\/p>\n\n\n If you're convinced of the value of these meetings and are getting started with one on ones<\/a> now, then you're in for a few surprises. Fortunately, we're here to help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In this post, we'll covering...<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are a few tips for what you should expect:<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a manager and leader, you're in a lot of meetings. Your calendar likely includes more of them than you should be, or would like to attend. And in most of them you're being asked to give your opinion, make decisions, and answer questions that all focus on driving the business forward. <\/p>\n\n\n\n One on ones are nothing like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Ben Horowitz suggests<\/a> after he took some heat for his firm stance on the importance of having one on ones,<\/p>\n\n\n\n \"The key to a good one-on-one meeting is the understanding that it is the employee's meeting<\/strong> rather than the manager's meeting. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n This is the free-form meeting for all the pressing issues, brilliant ideas and chronic frustrations that do not fit neatly into status reports, email, and other less personal and intimate mechanisms.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n It bears repeating:<\/strong> One on ones are all about your team member, not you nor the company. You need to flip your mindset to thinking about what's important to them and how you can help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This context switch can be difficult, but the payoff is huge. Set the standard that you recognize that these meetings are different from other meetings and you'll be on your way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You may think you know your team really well. You may think you know everything they're thinking about for work, and that you have addressed all their concerns they've aired publicly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you've put in some effort to listen to your team in a group setting, that's a great start, but there is always more they'll bring up privately, if you give them the chance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n As URX CEO John Milinovich<\/a> said in his interview with First Round Capital<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \"There will always be things that people won't bring up in a community forum that are still so important to address, especially before they become bigger issues.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n Build a trusting environment in your one on ones and follow through on what you hear and you'll be amazed at what you'll learn people are thinking about or have concerns with. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The more you act on what they tell you, the more they'll share. These insights will improve the company, your team, your management, and them as an employee. For the introverts<\/a> on your team, who are less likely to bring up any issues publicly, this will be especially important.<\/p>\n\n\n It's easy to put the obligation on your team member to drive the one on one. It's definitely important to let them talk about things that are important to them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n However, especially early on, you need to bring some questions as well. There are a ton of different one on one questions <\/a>you can rotate through and you can also use one on ones as great coaching opportunities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Melanie Whelan, then CEO of SoulCycle, remarked in her NY Times interview<\/a>, asking questions is a big part of your job as a leader:<\/p>\n\n\n By mixing up the questions you ask, you will ensure you're not missing anything they may be afraid to bring up. You'll also avoid one on ones getting into a rut where certain topics become safe and easy, at the expense of never discussing any elephants in the room. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You get out what you put into your one on ones, so prepare, listen carefully, and follow through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your first one on one meetings with an employee won't be easy. It can be especially awkward if you recently got promoted and now you're having a one on one with a former peer.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Fight through your \u2018fight or flight' urge, and instead try a variety of great one on one questions<\/a> to see where you can break through. Those early questions will break the ice and give you your first opportunities to build deeper trust and rapport with them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Over time, if you stick with it, you'll find they get easier and easier. Then, you'll get in a rhythm and it will be easy to talk about all kinds of topics with each of your team members.. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It's worth pushing past the akward, because the benefits are huge as angel investor and serial entrepreneur Michael Wolfe wrote:<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n \"Over time you can build up a very good relationship<\/strong> with most people simply through this time investment. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Even though you may need to discuss tough issues, try to build up enough trust and openness between you that you can enjoy solving problems and working to make the company better.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n It's a relief when a problem at work is solved. If you form a real partnership with your team member to address the issues they bring up, they'll trust and respect you more. This can hold true even if you don't always give them the answer they want to hear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As your employees grow and develop, your one on ones will too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What you talk about and work on in your one on ones is based on where that employee is when you're talking to them\u2013 professionally and personally. And that is a moving target. <\/p>\n\n\n\n App Sumo<\/a> CEO Ayman Al-Abdullah<\/a> captures this idea well in this tweet:<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"first](\"https:\/\/getlighthouse.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/David-Cancel-one-on-ones-really-pay-off-get-lighthouse-blog-1.png\" "\\"\\"")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nYet, many are uncertain how to get these benefits<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"first](\"https:\/\/getlighthouse.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Andy-Grove-Value-of-1-on-1s-get-lighthouse-blog-600x322.png\" "\\"\\"")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nWant to make the most of your one on one meetings?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\nWhat to Expect In Your First One on One Meeting with an Employee<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Table of Contents<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/getlighthouse.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Ben-Horowitz-1-on-1s-are-key-to-your-communication-architecture-Get-Lighthouse-blog.png\" "\\"\\"")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n1) They are different than any other meeting<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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![\"first](\"https:\/\/getlighthouse.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Jason-Lemkin-You-have-to-ask-600x284.png\" "\\"\\"")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n2) You will learn important things you won't hear any other way<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n3) They should bring things to talk about, and so should you.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"first](\"https:\/\/getlighthouse.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Melanie-Whelan-Great-leaders-are-great-listeners-get-lighthouse-blog-1-600x381.png\" "\\"\\"")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n![\"first](\"https:\/\/getlighthouse.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Amy-Pressman-feel-safe-to-talk-about-things-get-lighthouse-blog.png\" "\\"\\"")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n4) They may be a little awkward at first<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n\n\n\n5) They'll evolve over time as your career changes and your team grows too<\/h2>\n\n\n\n